Roots 'n' Wings

Completing the circle

2011-10-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

BALSAMIC PHASE

The power of the world always works in circles, and everything tries to be round…the sky is round, and…the earth is round like a ball, and so are the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours. The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle. The moon does the same, and both are round. Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a person is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves.- Black Elk

Winding down with the cycle of the moon. Time to rest. I did so much cleaning and reorganizing and my eyes show proof of it! Puffy, swollen but worth the effort. I smile every time I look into the room.

This will help me to move into a new phase. I've been making more cards and will continue with them until I have enough to present them.

I have the painting to work on as well. Loose ends. Finish up some stuff and then prepare for some newness... I feel good. Our home feels good.

Surrounded by love

2011-04-06T04:24:00.000-07:00

Notice how you can get through just about anything as long as you are surrounded by love. Life comes at us hard at times.. and I wonder how I would have coped if I did not have the support that love provides. For this I am deeply grateful. Maybe this is it.. this is what it's all about. Our life's lesson. If I dwell in this pool of love, the ripples that expand outwards may touch others.. and through enough rippling effects we can help create greater change. sending you love.....

Your love brings me here

2011-02-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

Your Love Lights me up.

This past year has been a long lesson on attitude and thought shifting.

"The Universe is energy that responds to expectation." This quote from Cherly Janecky.

What do I expect from life and what am I willing to do to receive it..

believe in it.

Act as if it's a done deal!

Expect it.

Expect miracles.

Eliminate all doubts.

But most importantly, stay tuned into love..

herein lies the magic

and the miracles

of life.

Having love surround me brings me into a space that equals nothing else.

Not money nor time can bring the me to a space of bliss as love does,

sharing love, giving love

being love.

Trail of Love

2010-12-18T07:08:00.000-08:00

Finally spending more time in the art room. As I sit and paint or doodle, I make some notes on how this space can work more efficiently. I still have supplies tucked deep into the closet and I still need some shelving for materials that need to be more accessible.
Thought about the rug too and a need for something to cover it.. another thin cheap rug so as not to get any paint on it.
I've been playing around with cards.. taking what I have, altering the image a bit and printing the image on cards to send... leave a little love in the mail... and possibly have some for the show.
Started a canvas today too. It's been so love since I've painted on canvas and it feels great!
I did some smaller works with some water colors, but it's in a journal, and I need some art for the show...mandalas and assemblages. I won't have a lot of wall space, so I will have mostly assemblages or small mandalas.
Most importantly, it gives me the motivation to give myself equal time for creating. I lose my balance when I don't allow myself this time. I have to give it to myself and only I can do that.. I cannot wait for others to say, Hey, why don't you go home or into your studio to create.. John comes closest to doing this, I must say, but although I hear comments about how much is on my plate, I don't hear anyone say, go, do something for yourself.. I'll take care of this.
Although, on Thursday when my sweet brother said he'd take the wheelchair down the stairs.. I caught myself... I covered my mouth so those words.. "oh, that's ok, I'll do it" wouldn't come out of my mouth... "why thank you!" YES! and I laughed and we discussed taking advantage of an opportunity for help.
Why is it that I am comfortable helping, but not so much being helped and I do want help... yes! I do need it at times and still find it hard to ask.
Where in the world does that come from (MOM)??!!??
Independence is something that is cherished. My mom had the hardest time when she realized she had lost some of it and needed to rely on others for help. It depressed her for a while, but I told her, it was her time... all the things she did for us, raising 5 kids.. she deserved to be helped!
She's ok with this now, with some frustration flaring up once in a while.
Here too is balance.. although she thinks it is I who am taking care of her, she is there for me as well.. me and John. There to listen to me, to him, and that is something I needed so badly this past year.. I so appreciate her. I'm glad I can be there for her.
I'm glad I'm here for John.. the process of healing goes so much better when one is surrounded by love.
So, as best I can, I leave a trail of love behind me.
Grateful I can be there and help.
I refill the well with time for me and my art.
Love heals.
Art heals.

Breaking Free

2010-12-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

I didn't get to sit and make a mandala until late in the day. I could have easily watched TV if there were something worth watching, but nope... how could there be so many channels with absolutely NOTHING good on any of them!
But maybe that is a good thing, because it's better I go and create... and that's what I did.
I found that I didn't like where this mandala was going and actually thought it to be ugly and that I was screwing it up. This is rare that I find myself thinking this, but I did notice that they were a lot of judgemental thoughts going on inside my head... stuff that the day brought, disappointments, etc. I was releasing it onto the paper.
It was after most of the mandala was finished when my thoughts had shifted and I began to read it's message.
Breaking free from what chains me to the past.. past behaviours, bad habits, unconscious behaviors that stay with us from our childhood, behaviours we pick up from our parents.
This has been coming to the surface lately. My "reactions" that are habitual and are in need of changing... releasing myself from them, knowing that I can grow from here into a different way of being.. not reacting, but responding in a more spiritual way.
So, in my perspective of all of it, I can see what I don't like being mirrored back to me. Not appreciating behaviours I see "out there" and knowing that it is something I do not like in myself.. I have been there, I have done that very same thing.. I have been that inconsiderate, irresponsible and I do not like that I've been there and try hard not to do it again. It's showing up in "the mirror" - in others and I get it.
How I respond to this is what I need to deal with. Speak my truth, how I feel... instead of holding it in, the mother influence. Silence.
Silence doesn't upset the "apple cart"... doesn't keep the peace. What it DOES do is make one sick. This silence that sits inside, festering, hurting speaks to us in our body.
Sore throats, laryngitis.. the body speaks.
We need to listen.
I need to break free from those chains, those old outworn behaviours.
Release it and let it go.. spin it out, send it out into the atmosphere - high into the sky.. shooting it into the sky like Saggitarius' arrows... gone.
New moon, I welcome you.

Being Open and Giving Thanks

2010-11-24T05:34:00.000-08:00

I have grown so much this past year. It was a very challenging year and I'm in the belief that those are the times when we do grow.. if we stay open, we learn more.
And that has been one of my lessons, to stay open. Open to possibilities. Once resistance sets in, things become hard, irritating and the inner 2 year old tantrum wants to come out. So, instead, I have learned there is always light in something dark.
We live in a world of duality, the balance of life which brings us light and dark. One cannot be without the other, so therefore, I look for the blessings in the challenges..
I know you're somewhere...
Sometimes it takes a while to show up.. or in reality, it takes a while for me to find it.
Each new day, I pray to stay open and received it's blessings.
Finding new friendships, receiving help with out me having to ask (which I hate to do).
Knowing people are thinking of me when I've been so quiet.. Thanks Laura :-)

I am fully aware of all that I have to give thanks for. This new home we absolutely LOVE! Surrounded by so much beauty.. sunsets, moon rises.. autumn leaves and ART. My husbands art, my art, children's art.
I see where I was, which felt like the bottom of the wheel in April and May and it gently turned .. John's health improving, growing stronger, happier. Today he is in the hospital recovering from surgery.. I'm grateful he had gained his strength for this day. Grateful surgery went well and this one issue will be resolved for him. It is a good day. It is a day to give thanks for all of it, but also not to stop giving thanks.
It is a constant prayer. Thank you. Thank you.
I am here, in this game of life, and I am happily playing. One thing I know is that we all win. We all get a chance to play however we choose.
I choose to play the blessing piece, the piece that carries love openly, shares it, and is open to new blessings.
May you have an endless number of blessing...
Namaste'

Chaos alert!

2010-08-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

I think I need to start recording this with photos. There was a moment of chaos today, but I stopped and put some "stuff" in order and I felt better. I need to keep a handle on all this and not let it get out of control... and I can see that it can - very quickly!

More boxes packed today.. some photo albums, my portfolio, some art supplies.. but the day was cut up too much with other obligations.

tomorrow is another day. I drop John off at the hospital and will come home to work on the living room... behind the chair.. in the closet....oooooh, scary... haven't been in there in a very long time. My paintings are there and supplies. They've become so inaccessible that I cannot imagine the dust!

I've packed up some art work that other people have done from RR's. The metal project is one of my favorites, but art dolls and some other art journals too.

I put some clothes in a bag for goodwill or the thrift shop.. some books went to the library, but they won't take any more... lack of room.

I found some paint which is still good and I'll use for living room and dining room. Have the bedroom paint as well, but I am not sure about the art room.

This I really need to think about and of course that is the first room available for me to paint.

It's an east window... facing the back, and only one window.. it's also the "fame and reputation" center which calls for red but no way will I paint a room red... especially an art room.

I'll have to sleep on it and then visit the paint store tomorrow.

2010-08-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day of camp and "coincidentally" the call came to say they would most likely be moved out by the 24th... which means we can pretty safely say we'll be moved in for Sept. 1.

The last two days have been good with everything coming together, flowing and moving toward a positive direction. Information coming to us that we had been waiting for.

Movement towards.

It is hard to wait.. wait for the next step, but it all has it's place.

Waiting teaches us patience but also teaches us to trust.

Trust the process. The timing of events happens in it's own course. Not my will, but Thine!

The ebb and flow of movement, like the phases of the moon. Sometimes it is time to wait, to rest, to plan... then to see the movement, the growth, just like watching the new moon waxing.

It teaches me. I learn to accept, to allow. I am more comfortable being the one to give, take care of but I am now receiving the help from others. Accept it. Allow the gifts, the help.. it is the greater ebb and flow.. I give. I receive. It is a blessing I am learning to accept graciously.

It is an odd role for me. "oh, no.. that's ok, I'll do it...." and why - why did I always feel I must carry on the weight with out asking for help. It is not a familiar role for me to ask anyone for help.. and now, I have not asked, but am being offered. That is why the feels more like a gift from the Universe.. special people, like angels - offering help in many forms.

I am grateful.

Tomorrow starts the serious packing. Knowing there is a better chance of this move occurring before the end of the month, I can get myself in gear. Motivation!

I am feeling very blessed.

Tomorrow, I work in the art room.

view point

2010-08-07T06:04:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I like to mindlessly doodle in these circles, is to allow what ever comes up on the page, to speak to me.. me speaking to myself.
Higher Self to this everyday self who tries to keep it all together.
It also came out of me after I bought a brand new sketchbook and having a ridiculous argument with my husband. There are times I just lose it, get so frustrated with the issue of communicating that my tone of voice betrays me.
I cannot speak so I go to the mandala, the doodle or clean.
Like this "zendala", there are differing points of view. Once I finish, I like turning it around to see it from a different perspective - much easier to do on paper than in a relationship at times :-)
One view I see houses, on water -emotional waves, calm to stormy- underneath the stars... and with the heavens carrying on their own magic. That magic we tend to forget.
From a different perspective, those houses are the rays of the sun transforming life. From crawling, cocooning to spreading my wings.. buzzing through life.. trying to hold on too tightly until my inner self tells me to let go.. just let go!
Go have a picnic!
It's all a matter of perspective. I try not to slide back into the fear-zone, allow my eyes to see the magic in all of life, the spiritual awakening of each blessing.. that we live on the planet - in our bodies - which is just so totally amazing! Embrace the wonder of it.
That is the perspective I wish to stay with, not the small, frustrated "please listen to what I am saying" self that needs to be right. I do wish to be understood, but I also realize that package needs to come with patience.
I need to remember to turn the page and see with new eyes.

Being present with the process

2010-08-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

While packing up the books.. choosing what to keep and what to release, I am for the most part being with the process. When I step back, look at the bigger picture, panic surfaces.. but I know it is a process, and I need to take it one step at a time.
I set free one bookcase this evening.
I got stuck on the stairway, and thankfully Patty came home and helped me getting to the garbage.
I did it.
Now boxes are stacked in it's place. I need more boxes so it's time to rest.
I feel good though. Some of the books are going to the children's center, and some I'm bringing to camp.
Once the books are done, which will take a while.. I'll start in with the art room.
I packed up a box of albums. Some of these I am not ready to part with and I'm not sure why. I feel they need a really good home if they are to leave.... either that or find a record player :-)
Some crappy albums I've used for art. Children collaged on them for a show and I've created mandalas on others. But there are some album covers that are art in themselves!
It is a baby step, but I am moving forward.
One book - a gem- is called A Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment and found it to be perfect timing for me to read it.
Love all of it. Love each moment and if you don't like where you are, love yourself for being in that state of mind... it's all about loving it. Loving yourself and loving that we are here for the journey.. I mean after all.. it's just a glorious journey of ups and downs.. and you just have to enjoy the ride for what it is. Even the sorrows, love that you can feel them.
So, that is my challenge. To Be Here Now.. enjoy it for what it is and not get so crazy about it.
Tomorrow, more boxes.

A month to move

2010-08-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

How can I make this fun and at the same time record, analyze this process and to be sure I keep my balance with all that is going on. I'll have to post some pictures during this mad process - but for now i need to just write.

I have lived here for 33 years.. same apartment.. small. Four rooms and pretty much packed with stuff ... art stuff and books take up most of the space.

Art stuff includes art supplies for myself, art supplies for the classes I teach and art work I have created - both mine and my husbands.

Being that it is a small space, I created shelving. Both beds were built by me and my husband. They are like decks and actually, that's where I got the idea from. My mom was having a deck built and I followed that same process. It's about 4 ft. high and worked really well for storage underneath. I followed it up by building one for Jake... only this time I tried doing it myself.. the impatient part of myself soon learned it wasn't the best idea, but I did it anyway.

Once Jake moved out, his bed became a table to work on and being that it was against the wall, it seemed reasonable that shelves would soon follow.. up to the ceiling... and of course, great storage underneath.

Besides the two beds, other shelves were built for books. Many, many books. John seems to think a good 60% of all our stuff is books and I think I may have to agree.. at least 60%.

And that's were I started.

Day one:

Packing books.

The Virgo rising part of me knew there would have to be some organizing I'd have to do with this.. sorting them into categories. This way art books can go into the art room, my astrology, yoga and spirituality books into the bedroom... I have two full (and heavy) boxes with just yoga books and there are probably enough to fill another box. Not sure what to do with all the yoga magazines yet.

Art books get divided into teaching children, art instruction, art/spirituality and there is a tower of them so far.

Novels are easy enough to let go of...not so much these other books.

I still have my first copy of Be Here Now by Ram Dass!

So, this is day one. The idea of today was to empty one bookcase in the bedroom and get rid of the book case which I built to make some room to stack these boxes.

What I keep in sight is how we will have more space in this new place, and that keeps me motivated. A new art room to set up....

and now - back to work.

walk the path of love..

2010-07-10T07:01:00.000-07:00

My path has become very cluttered. I feel a sense of overwhelm when I keep looking at everything that needs to be done... Not really feeling like doing any of it. It becomes too much.
What makes it worse is more keeps getting added to that which still needs to be done and well... it sure doesn't help..it builds and builds and then...
I cry.
So I go to where I need to go. Pick one thing. What is the most immediate thing I think needs to get done first? You'd think that would make most sense...Doesn't always happen that way.
What needs to get done first is the attitude adjustment. I pick up a book and I get my answer.. how to deal with negative moods. I like what he says.. coincidence?
Then I get up and follow my instincts.. air conditioner is behaving badly so I need to move stuff out of the way. Sheesh. I realized how much I really need to clean, so I just do it. Don't think. Just do it. May need a new one..
It gets done... or at least the beginng of it. Now move forward one step at a time.
What can I do with love?
What will bring me the best feeling.. go there.
click and you'll see my laces have "love" on them.. it is a constant reminder that where ever I go and what ever I do, I will try to travel there with my heart filled with love.
Maybe I just need to sweat out all these toxic thoughts and attitudes :-)

clouds illusions

2010-07-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

While lying on my back on a very large tree stump, I watched clouds go by. It was mostly blue sky, and having the clouds come and give some relief of the suns rays was perfect.
Later on though, at the Esopus, I was taking pictures of some cool views beneath the water. What I hadn't noticed until later while looking at the images in the camera, were the clouds on the surface of the water. I noticed what looked like an animal walking upside down.
Well, I read messages in everything else - so why not the clouds as well :-)
Reminds me of Judy Collins singing about clouds illusions... I really don't know clouds at all.
I will take more time to though.

When things shift

2010-06-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

Things have become more stabilized here - a very good thing that I am deeply appreciative of. We took a walk to the Wainwright house last week. Our intention was to go to the beach, but it was closed off with a gate - something new and annoying. It bothers me that we are cut off from access to the water and when it is open, we have to pay to go there. How does Rye get to own the water?

But as chance would have it, a good and fortunate chance, we went to the Wainwright instead. A good choice as the sun came out and it was so peaceful there. I walked the labyrinth and John took a walk down to the water. Yes, access to the water for free.

Water is a healing element that is good for John.

We sat for awhile on a bench just taking it all in. One of the women working there came over to take some photos for the newsletter. Turns out she coordinates the art shows there and we will be bringing in our work to be considered for exhibiting.

It was a good day.

The labyrinth is created by hedges of lavender... smells so delightful.
Much of the chaos has shifted into a more ease and flow.
I have been slowly packing up books into catagories.
I picked up the violin to paint again yesterday, hoping to finish it and get it to my client soon so I can wrap things up before camp starts.
I am desiring to have this summer to be a simple as possible.
No new jobs to add to an already busy schedule.
Simple.
Easy.

web of life

2010-05-03T04:37:00.000-07:00

I was half expecting a pause... a breathing space for a while, but life had other plans. With mercury Rx I guess it is a 'redo' of what had not been accomplished with John's last visit to the hospital.. We also figured he needed to take care of his mom's passing.. His mom passed away last month while he was in the hospital being treated for low sodium levels. His abdomen was filled with fluid and they "talked" about tapping him but didn't.
And now it is being dealt with. I can't stand stagnation! After his last visit to the hospital, he seemed to get worse, building more fluid in his abdomen. I didn't like the way he was moving around and worried about his breathing..
It was a good call on my part. They are doing an ultrasound this morning first and most likely will tap him, drain the fluid. They do it a little at a time.
Movement.... moving forward.
After the hospital, I went to my mom's and ate and filled them in on what was going on. I have been thinking more about what my brother had gone through with Kathi. I have even more compassion for him and what it must have felt like. I asked if he cried a lot. I do.
Yesterday I spent the morning crying and then said, "we need to go and deal with it!"
I tend to doubt myself with decisions like this and with J asking for $, I went over the edge. I'm not so sure why.. beside the fact that I let things build in me emotionally and then I burst open -opening the flood gates!
I chose this mandala because, like a spider web, we are all connected. At some point in every one's life, a person gets sick, someone loses a job, someone we love leaves this plane... When it happens to us and we know it, experience it, we can be compassionate towards others when it happens to them. We can go to others to see how they have dealt with it. There is a sense of family then.. wider than our own intimate family.. the family of earth widens.
My heart opens more to those who have been through tragic situations, feeling more compassion for them when I have had it happen to me... but I feel compassion expands in other ways as well.
Once compassion grows, expands outwards, it doesn't stop...it pens up more to others even if I haven't experienced what they are going through. Once your heart opens, it keeps opening until you decide to close it. It hurts when we keep it open too wide and we do tend to close down for self protection... going deeper within the web rather than on the outside circumference.
I see myself going in and out of it, and for most of my life, I stayed more toward the center. As I get older, I see myself moving out towards the edge, pulling back in every so often.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to be a more private person. I become amazed at others deep expression and how open they can be and then I gather in that same courage. I then am able to let more of myself out.. move more towards the edge.
We all need one another. It is a web of life and we are all connected. We cannot live this life with passion by removing ourselves from it's sorrows, afraid of the pain, turning in on our self... but rather find comfort in others, compassion.. giving and receiving it.
Breathing in and breathing out... a deep breath.. breathe in life.

Drinking it in

2010-04-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

It is nature that I learn the most from. Life can throw lots of stuff at us and we can easily get caught up in it. It has been a bit of a whirlwind and now the dust has settled and I took some time for myself today. There was nothing pressing that I HAD to do, so I gave myself the gift of time... took my camera and went for a walk.
I took in the beauty that surrounded me. We seem to be about a month ahead on the blossoming of things. Usually, the lilacs come out for mother's day, but not this year... it's all out.
I leisurely took my time, photographing what caught my eye until I got to my destination.. mom's house. She has a lilac bush out front, so we sat on the porch and chatted.
Just as we were about to go in, we had a visit.
Mom pointed out the butterfly and I snapped away... thank you butterfly for your message.
Drink in the nectar of life. Drink it in now. Don't wait.
Drink it in deeply.
thank you.

Which direction..

2010-03-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

I titled this "looking for direction". It is my "process" of moving.. where to move to.

Direction plays a large part. Which window faces east.. north..

Yesterday, this is one of the things I paid attention to as I took a look at an apartment.

Where will the studio be... will the sun shine on me in the a.m.

I have lived in one place for 33 years!

We have a lot of stuff.. some will come with us and a lot of it will not. Much of it will have to be disassembled.

I built our bed.. high off the ground like a loft bed. I made one for Jake too, which became my art table when he moved out.... with shelves built up to the ceiling. Storage under the bed-turned-table.

Jake built me another table with shelves above it for my paints. I built more shelves against another wall.. as I did in the living room. One wall of shelving for our books. Even in the kitchen I built shelves and cabinets. Everything made to fit!

If I took apart these pieces, I would have a LOT of wood and not much in the way of furniture.

There is something to say about starting from scratch. A certain excitment of starting over, doing things differently... having more experience of what works and what doesn't.

And yet, there is also that sentimental side... missing already the work I have done... painted ceilings and walls.. painted how I chose. Not a white wall in sight.

I am a bit concerned about moving somewhere else and having restrictions on this... I need to express myself in my surrounding.. I need a creative environment. I need to paint walls!

Every place I have lived.. ok, not a lot in that department.. but the places I did live in were covered with my art.

It's one of those things where I can be very rooted -as in staying in a place for a length of time... but please give me the wings I need to fly around and be creative... keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

Go There

2010-01-25T06:11:00.000-08:00

I have missed blogging. My computer had a virus and I brought it in to the most wonderful computer guys to fix it and now I have my blogs back.

It gave me time to do other things though. I did more journaling and cleaning up.

I discover things when I clean. I focused on my meditation space which I allowed to get cluttered.

When I clean the clutter, dust off the books and objects, I feel as though I am clearing my own energy, my spirit surfacing through the debris... I open up the path to spirit - to my inner sanctuary - removing obstacles, illusions that made me take a detour.

I wandered off in another direction and got a bit lost.

Maybe that is what we need now and then... a detour.

Detours that take you down new roads show us our habits.. some not so good. We need to change the view so we don't become stagnant.

Sometimes it shows us what we have and how good it really is... "Stop comparing and being judgemental."

Those detours can show us we need to travel more lightly, to unload that which we don't really need but carry out of habit or conformity.. someone else's junk.

Maybe the detours are there for a rest... like a vacation. "Stop pushing so hard and let events unfold in their own time."

We take notice more on a detour. We no longer drive down a road we've driven down ten thousand times and no longer see what is around us.

We notice trees, new homes, a rabbit or hawk... our senses perk up. We take that back with us, hold on to it a bit longer.. fresh eyes.

Now we notice something new on the original path.

Now we feel much lighter.

Now the path is clearer and we can move freer, lighter, more observant.

Now I can take the high road.

Permission to Play

2009-12-18T16:06:00.000-08:00

May we all be as the little child coming out to play.

Coming out of our composed, adult, responsible self for a bit of wild mad playtime!

I wish you less stress and more joy.

Pure spontaneous joy!

Give yourself some permission to play this holiday season.

Give this gift to yourself.

More blessings

2009-11-24T10:08:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for the library because that is where I am now.. no computer for now and that may be a blessing in disguise. I found a "computer guy" in town.. he came this morning to pick up the computer and get rid of a virus and clean her up...
A big change in attitude today even with a packed laundromat.
It was an opportunity to be pleasant amongst the chaos.
Picked up a new color for the bedroom too.
A good day

Open Arms

2009-11-20T05:52:00.000-08:00

I find it amazing how some days one wakes and just feels great and other times.. not so much.
I feel good today, and I am sure it is because I am aware of life's blessings. This is where my focus is.. the good stuff, all those wonderful things that are going right in my life.
The students I work with, watching them produce some amazing, creative work - a big blessing. I love it when I am giving a student the opportunity to express themselves in some way and it "clicks".
I am feeling good that I was able to help someone special financially and in return it came back to me four-fold!
Today is a day I want to open my arms and take it all in. I want to embrace each moment and because this is what I WANT and focusing on that, that is what the Universe provides more of.
Placing your focus on the good stuff and more good stuff is what appears.
Namaste'

Today I appreciate assistance

2009-11-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

Gratitude Exercise here

Today a very nice man helped my mom with the wheelchair, went to the car with us to help some more and brought the chair back to the office... So many very kind people :-)
Thank you to all of you out there that hold doors open, are patient with others that are disabled, and do it all with a big smile.

being grateful

2009-11-18T05:09:00.000-08:00

If you read the comment underneath this post, you'll know where the inspiration for this came from. Laura inspired this idea for me to post my gratitude for the many things I am blessed with. "If the only prayer you said in your whole life was thank you, that would suffice" is one of my favorite quotes from Meister Eckhart.
Yesterday, while at class, a previous student came by with her mom and dropped off a HUGE bin filled with art supplies. Paints, paints, paints... feathers, wood, beads, chenille, gems, foamie stuff... and empty oranizers! Thank you .. Thank you.
I will not have to buy paints for awhile and those sculpey molds are just the things I was looking for. I am soooo very grateful!
Life is good :-)

Bowing before the moon

2009-10-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

Another doodle to comtemplate.

I thought about it in the shower and while driving to class.

What came up is the unpredictablness of life and how I deal with it. We expect certain things done in a certain way, other people's behaviours, just because it's been this way... and when something comes along to disturb the peace... well, here's where the challenge comes.

How present can I remain.

I tried not to react, but I did. I fell into victim mode,

"Why me, Why me, Why me... wwaaaaaaa, wwaaaa, wwwaaaa"

yeah, I could easily had a full blown out temper tantrum :-)

and then I remembered,

"don't shoot the messenger"

and I looked at it much more deeply.

I looked at my habitual behaviour. Stuff we repeatedly do from our past childhood.

Then, I looked at what was really happening behind all this. What was the REAL issue here and... Why is it pushing my button?

I began thinking about my habits, my rituals, my addictions... all those things that bring comfort to me, and the things that help to bring ease into my life.

Take astrology for instance.

Every day I read my personalized horoscope for the day right along with the general ones.. These include planetary aspects, rising signs, what house the moon is in...

It is ritual... and most likely an addiction andI wondered if I could be more intuitive without it.

This caught my attention:

It is from The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. -Shraddha: Faith, trust. We need to trust in the intelligence of the Universe and welcome any experiences that come our way. It is about accepting and loving what is, rather than what we think should be.

This message spoke to my heart about the matter and I began to relax into seeing there might be other alternatives, other options, solutions to be had (instead of pouting).

It's been my ongoing intention to remain in the present moment and allow life to unfold, not always to my whim, not always how I think it should be, but delve into the unpredictableness of life and see what the Universe has in store for me. Sometimes I blow it.

I must say, I see growth. I bounce back more quickly, look at where the resistance is and cut through it easier... faster... but of course, some instances are more challenging than others, and I forget.

It's an interesting concept, bowing. It is a sign of respect - humbleness. And we bow from the gut. Maybe I need to bow, to honor my gut, follow my gut and see where that takes me.

Hopefully I won't bump into any walls :-)

Dancing on the Edge

2009-10-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

Balancing act.

My Sunday doodle while relaxing with hubby. He coloring (took my markers) and me doodling and mandala-making. Although the "should-haves" danced around my head, I relaxed.

Doodling is the art of allowing.

It's later that I "see" what my subconscious wants to say to me.

The image is on the edge, but it's not very high, so if I fall off, I won't have a long way to go.

It's not a big risk.

I noticed a mitten (winter) on one side and a butterfly on the other (summer).

The extremes again. The duality of life.

As a body, water is at the level of the throat chakra. To me it's symbolizing my emotional expression, something I have been more comfortable with, but still need to conscious of. To express my feelings has been a challenge for me, but I am working with it.

The creative eye, the third eye, is peering through two mountains. Two obstacles.

One I know, the other I'm not sure about..

Snow behind me, falling into the water. Coldness melting into the open seas.

Ah. That is my cold, seperate-self, the one that can push other's away.. it is the self that gets caught up in ego stuff, the need to be right.

melt away... melt away...

I am not seperate, but part of the whole.

I am the ocean and the drop.

We all are.

And it is through love, that the realization happens.

We each carry our light and that light is to be shared with others.

It is the talents we have that are to be spread out into the world, the light of our true self, the light of the divine within us, each of us, that needs to be given away in order for it to be returned to us.

see, the doodle can tell us many important things :-)

Releasing seeds for new potentials

2009-10-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Finding the beauty in change.

The new moon fell in my 2nd house of values, and being in Libra, also beauty and balance.

And that is why I began this blog, as a reminder to regain, or come back into balance when I notice I am teetering on the edge.

I've notice the theme of extremes in my life over the last few months. It was visible in my life, and in my face to see clearly.

Always reminders.

Life constantly gives us messages in so many ways. In our relationships, or in nature. We just need to keep our minds open to it and our hearts as well.

Nature, and it's cycles of life and death, present us with an abundance of examples.

In the summer, I usually photograph these lotus in full bloom, but I can see the beauty in their releasing as well.

Releasing the seeds for new flowers, new blossoms that will capture our attention.

New moons are like planting seeds, new intentions for ourselves.

I choose to plant seeds of nurturing myself.

I read that if we can nurture ourselves 51 % of the time, we can easily nurture others 49 % of the time.

We must fill our own well, in order to give to others.

Find that fine line of balance between you and others. Libra rules relationships.

There is also a reminder from that lotus, that in order for the new to come, you must release, let go of that which needs to leave.

Make room for something new.

Let go.

There is a risk in letting go, a fear that what will come may not be to our liking.

We are comfortable with what we know, but in order to grow, we must learn to take risks, or the Universe just may do it for us.

So, I look to what needs to be released, what has lost it's value but I continue to hold on to anyway... just in case.

If I let them go, I can look at them as seeds. Releasing them to the wind, finding fertile ground in which new life will begin.

Where have I been?!?

2009-10-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

My husband and I exhibited our art together, which is still up. Photos on the art blog :-)
This was one of the highlights of our year.
Very exciting! Great energy.
We've got so many more ideas cooking :-)
I have learned so much about my Self these past few months, and where I find myself in balance. My art, my spiritual path are highest priorities for me and sharing what I find. My husband and I walk together on this path moving towards a special place where we can share with others.
The most important lesson for me has been to connect with my heart center, keep the heart open, using the breath to stay centered and in the moment.
Some harder lessons of "space" and letting go, looking at a bigger picture, attachment.. these were the challenges and knocked me off my center.
But, I get back up. I try to do better and find compassion for my self. Yoga helps.
It is one of my activities that grounds me, humbles me, and keeps my heart open.
A blessing of community.
Have a most wonderful day... and be grateful :-)
Namaste'

Towards........

2009-09-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

So much has come together for me in the last month or so. Not sure if it's the meditating along with the reading, the show.. my life back to where I want it to be as far as work is concerned. I'm guessing it is all of it. It's because it is what I want. Where I want it all to be.

Focusing on that, what I do want rather than what I don't.

duh.

Most of the summer, I was focused on just that.. what I DIDN'T want and that is exactly what I got.. more of what I didn't want.. It was the moving away from experience rather than the moving towards experience.

I want this.

Working with the assemblages has been such a blessing. They've all come together easily for the most part. Anything that didn't, I left to sit with awhile. It was when I pushed rather than went with the flow - that it didn't fall into place.

Sometimes I just walked away and worked on another piece until it some how clicked. Many times it was the rummaging throught stuff that the perfect piece was found and then the flow came back. Wonderful.

It's pretty much a lesson of life. Stop pushing, resisting, but rather focus on what it is you do want, focus on the end result or the feeling it would provoke instead.

and stop carrying other people's baggage!

Travel lightly.

If something is unclear, ask questions, even if it is to yourself.

Choosing to move towards that which brings me the greatest joy, the best feelings, towards that which feels full of love. Respond to the experience of each blessed moment.

Be in it.

Make Art and Have Fun.

Power of the elements

2009-08-24T18:50:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I have learned, it is the importance of spending time in nature. The power that Nature brings to us... soothing quality of water (until there is too much of it)... clean, clear blue skies (until there is too much of it).. Nature teaches us the importance of balance.
We appreciate rain, when there is too little of it and the sun when there is too much.
Balance of the elements. Balance in our lives.
Appreciating when our lives are in balance, each time working harder to maintain it.
It is appreciated more so when we lose that balance and then find it again.
It is difficult to maintain.
We fall into drama, allow fears, worries and other's opinions, to control our decisions... fear of what? What or who are we listening to, allowing our judgement to be contaminated?
We all need to be media-free for awhile. Turn off the TV, the radio, your cell, computer, and whatever gadget you may be addicted to and spend some alone time, quiet time... just listening.
Listen to nature. Listen to your Self. Your wise, sacred and divine Self. Pass the chatter of ego, you will eventually hear Her or Him.
Please remind me of this.

Swan's message

2009-07-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Lessons from Life on the issue of balance... Swan speaks of commitment among other things.

I've noticed how I have commited to things this year that I was unable to complete. It's not something I relish. I like to honor my commitments... but I have been remiss in this area.

I have over committed.. AGAIN. Maybe I'm just naive, thinking I can do more than I am capable of.

My mother used to say my eyes were bigger than my stomach... and this has held true for more than my food appetite.. It is my wanting to participate in all those cool projects, interesting jobs and those things that challenge me to move outside the box.

yes.. yes.. yes.. one too many times. ok, more than ONE too many times.

I'm thinking we should have a mute button on us. I am just too quick on the words without thinking it through. Too impulsive.
I should practice, "I'll get back to you"....

Swan has such grace and I've lost it a few times this summer. MELTDOWN is being kind.

Swans mate for life, which is why they are thought to symbolize commitment... and if I had unlimited time to bring forward all that I've committed to, then I don't really have a problem.

Unfortunately, other's don't see it this way.

As far as the balance thing, over-committing means it leaves scant time for my own stuff... my "thinking process" time, my own art, mandalas, journaling, blogging, my upcoming show of assemblages and shrines... what-in-the-world-was-I-thinking?!?
The new moon eclipse brought up a buried old dream/solution. Starting a morning only Art & Yoga camp for preschoolers 4 days a week next summer. Saying goodbye to 25 years of camp art. There are attachments, but I know I need this for my sanity. It is time to let go.

For balance, I need a committment to myself.

Om :-)

2009-06-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

Mercury retrograde was not very nice to me this time around... I went to Wordpress for a bit, because I think I may have deleted something terribly important while I tried to get rid of some squawking chicken sounding bogus anti virus thingy....
go here:
http://doegrozart.wordpress.com
and for more art stuff.. http://mandalas4me.wordpress.com
see you there...
bring on some balance!!!!!!!

Where's my Tao!

2009-04-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

Coming to the computer, I find all sorts of messages... Well, actually, ALL of life has messages for you if you are one to look for them :-)
I walked outside the other day and this was my first one. Yes, what a life I have!
For the past few months, it feels as though all four burners have been on high. Life is cooking with all sorts of jobs, projects, obligations with family care, tax prep, art show, clients being added to the list of to-do's ... My plate was not only full, but overflowing.
My pendulum had swung to the extreme right........
and you all know, when it swings one way, it needs to swing back the other way.
The other extreme is what I felt yesterday and it is lingering now.
I'm depleted. I want to rest, regroup, clean up the mess in order to move on to the next project.
Messages today seem to validate that feeling:

"You might also take frequent breaks throughout the course of today and focus on creating a serene mind-set. The more centered you are, the easier it will be to calmly get your points across."
"Allow yourself a break in the action "
Centered. That is what I would like to be, feel..
The middle way.
The Tao.
No extremes, just centered in the middle.
I don't see myself as being still, but move to the right a little and work, move a little to the left and rest (play).
The above astrological messages give voice to what I need to do.. small bites, a little time here and there to balance out the energy. The sun is opposite my natal Neptune, calling for the balance of energetic giving of myself vs. the dreamy down time of doing some art work for myself.
I have to sneak it in, but what my body really wants is fullness of play - yes, the other extreme of a vacation!
But for now, in finding the middle ground, I will take frequent breaks.

Love :-)

2009-03-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this wonderful poem. It was on Sue's blog with her wonderful mandalas and it touched me. I don't cry easily, but I did because it felt so true. This is what I believe.. that it is Love that changes, heals, creates, and fills us with Joy.

If you have Love, anything is possible.

Love Is The New Religion

On the surface of the world right now there is war and violence and things seem dark

But calmly and quietly, at the same time, something else is happening underground

An inner revolution is taking place and certain individuals are being called to a higher light

It is a silent revolution

From the inside out

From the ground up

It is time for me to reveal myself

I am an embedded agent of a secret, undercover

Clandestine Global operation

A spiritual conspiracy

We have sleeper cells in every nation on the planet

You won't see us on the T.V.

You won't read about us in the newspaper

You won't hear about us on the radio

We don't seek any glory

We don't wear any uniform

We come in all shapes and sizes

Colors and styles

Most of us work anonymously

We are quietly working behind the scenes in every country and culture of the world

Cities big and small, mountains and valleys, in farms and villages, tribes and remote islands

You could pass by one of us on the street and not even notice

We go undercover

We remain behind the scenes

It is of no concern to us who takes the final credit

But simply that the work gets done

Occasionally we spot each other in the street

We give a quiet nod and continue on our way so no one will notice

During the day many of us pretend we have normal jobs

But behind the false storefront at night is where the real work takes place

Some call us the "Conscious Army"

We are slowly creating a new world with the power of our minds and hearts

We follow, with passion and joy

Our orders from the Central Command

The Spiritual Intelligence Agency

We are dropping soft, secret love bombs when no ones is looking

Poems

Hugs

Music

Photography

Movies

Kind words

Smiles

Meditation and prayer

Dance

Social activism

Websites

Blogs

Random acts of kindness

We each express ourselves in our own unique ways with our own unique gifts and talents

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

That is the motto that fills our hearts

We know it is the only way real transformation takes place

We know that quietly and humbly we have the power of all the oceans combined

Our work is slow and meticulous

Like the formation of mountains

It is not even visible at first glance

And yet with it entire tectonic plates shall be moved in the centuries to come

Love is the new religion of the 21st century

You don't have to be a highly educated person

Or have any exceptional knowledge to understand it

It comes from the intelligence of the heart

Embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse of all human beings

Be the change you want to see in the world

Nobody else can do it for you

We are now recruiting

Perhaps you will join us

Or already have....

All are welcome...

The door is open

-Brian Piergrossi (From the book "The Big Glow")

Lion Heart

2009-02-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

A friend from the Mandala Oasis group wasn't feeling well and when I went into my studio I did this mandala holding the intention of healing.

She gives a lot, has a big heart.. a very encouraging person.

As I was just allowing, I thought about balance. It's when we are out of balance that we become sick.. even with a simple cold. Sometimes it's the imbalance of taking care of others without giving ourselves some nurturing.

Us, nature... everything must be in balance in order to function to the best of it's ability. We've all been there.

As I was coloring it, courage entered my thoughts. I thought of the lion, fire, and the courage it took to change.

It takes courage to heal. Healing means something needs to change. Whether it be our diet, balancing work and play, releasing worries or grief... the big stuff needs more change and that takes a lot more courage.

I watched my husband transform his lifestyle due to a health scare. It took courage to say no to so many things that he took for granted and became comfortable with.

When we become so embedded into a certain way of living, it is hard to change. Our comfort level becomes disturbed. Warning. Warning.. change or die.

With so much information about smoking, why do people still smoke... or drink too much... or eat too much.. because it's hard to change. It takes a lot of courage.

This is what this little mandala had to say to me. It spoke to me of courage.

It takes courage to do art and put it out there. To sing your song, to be your true self.

e.e. cummings said it so well...

" To be nobody else

but yourself

in a world which is doing it's best,

night and day,

to make you everybody else -

means to fight the hardest battle

which any human being can fight,

and never stop fighting."

As I teach, the hardest part is to get this across. We all want to belong, so we conform. We copy. We wear what's in style, play the same music... it's all about comfort and sometimes being different is not so comfortable... and that's why it takes a huge amount of courage to be yourself. It takes you out of the comfort zone... "what will They think???"

Do that what brings you joy in play and work.

How courageous can you be today... in your art, your relationships...your clothing... ?

The path of Heart

2009-02-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

This is one of the mandalas I did as a healing. I believe healing comes with focusing on love.

I meditated on the path we choose to walk.

I choose the path of love.

I choose the path of passion.

My art is my passion, but so is helping ~ comes in the form of teaching or perhaps a better term is sharing. Also in the form of taking care.

Sometimes we must walk a path on our own and ultimately it is always our own path,

but being that we are "here", it is so much better to share the path..

To walk in step with another, side by side.

Sometimes we lead.

Sometimes we follow.

Some of the time, it is alone and sometimes with a group of like-minded souls.

Walk gently and harmlessly on your path,

but walk with passion.

Take bold steps!

Determined with direction.

Walk with balance.

Great strides along with standing still make for variety in life.

I don't think it matters how many paths we choose to take as long as they all lead to love.

Love is the center.

It is home.

It is me.

You.

Us.

Letting go

2008-12-31T17:58:00.000-08:00

2008, I'm saying good bye.

Letting you go. I took some time to rewind, appreciating the many wonderful opportunities I had to explore and expand. I made new friends, joined new groups, explored new art mediums. You presented me with some challenges.. I whined, I cried, I prayed..

Things resolved. Sometimes I think miracles occured or angels embraced me and got me through it.

Yes. Love heals I learned as does art.

I came to appreciate what I have more, but also knowing I would rather simplify my life.

I don't need so much.

I've learned how to let go a little bit more.. not always easy, but realized letting go creates space for new opportunities to open up.

and I welcome you 2009 and all you have to offer :-)

Let's spend the year in love and happiness and passionate in what we do.

Seek and you shall find..eventually

2008-12-01T05:58:00.000-08:00

"What we seek we do not find - that would be too trim and tidy for so reckless and opulent a thing as life. It is something else we find. -Susan Glaspell, The Morning Is Near Us, 1939

I had to laugh when I read the quote above in an email this morning...
Yesterday was a bit frustrating because I was looking for a book (EVERY WHERE!) but could not find it... (still looking)... but instead I found other things :-)
Oil paints, a color chart, another book, a calender that would help if I don't find the book..stuff for Saturday's Holiday Happening....
I tried to forget it by creating and made some paper angels... figuring it would relax my brain.
If I found the book right away, I wouldn't have found the other stuff :-)

On a different level, what is it I am seeking?
Sometimes I do think I seek some order in my life, for everything to be neat and accessible.. for it all to be in easy reach.
If my art room is any indication of the reality of my life... what I want to reach for is usually something very inaccessible... I have to clear off, climb up and more often than not have good balance and be brave.
Actually what I am really seeking is wholeness and unity. I want to feel at One with all there is.. To feel the presence of God/Universe/ Peace...
In the big scheme of life, does it really matter that my room is a mess... there's a lot going on there. Projects abound! It's good. (and I did do some really good clearing out)
I want to play big!
Upon reading a line in While the Heart Waits about God experiencing through us, it gave me thought about how we experience life. I'm sure God has experienced enough sadness, enough hatred and fear, so why not play big and give God a delightful experience of creative bliss!
What I really seek is to have my heart blossom, to open up into magnificence and splendor! To be a most exquisite flower that God would say, How Cool is that!!!??? and feel Love :-)
And... if we are the reflective spirits of God, and I believe we are, then we have each other to react to our "being" and the wonderful things we manifest.
"Delicious dinner!"
"Brilliant Painting!"
You and I speak - forgetting that connection - and our words are not always so uplifting....
I'd like to remember for NOW, that God, experiencing GodSelf through me, is speaking through me to you...
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT!!!
on a more mundane note....
I awoke to the sound of something falling this morning... I knew it was the T-square ruler (and it was) and later another sound (not sure WHAT that was).. it being the bronze dragon fly in the bathroom, where, by the way, my Frog now sits.. remember frog (read Joanne's comment) and the thought occurred.. shit! why is everything falling? I'll go check the Tao Te Ching now :-)
(In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped.)
and in the process of letting go... I'm going to clean out the underwear drawer.

Soul Coaching

2008-11-29T05:24:00.000-08:00

This book by Denise Linn is my New Moon intention... to do it!

For 28 days, I'll follow the outline of the book.

I'm on day 3.

The full title is Soul Coaching: 28 Days to Discover Your Authentic Self

It seems I am forever in search of myself :-).... actually, I just want to be clear on my purpose.

I do know what I love.. my art, my teaching of both art and yoga, and I want to grow in these areas. No static please, but growth.

Today I declutter the bathroom which is my Knowledge and Self Cultivation area... appropriate :-)

The affirmation is "There is clarity within me and around me" to which I'll add, I am clear in my body and my mind.

I love knowing. I am always in search of knowing.. I want to know why!

I want to study and obtain more knowlegdge so I can pass it on.

Knowlege is a funny thing though.. one can read and read, but if you don't "experience" it - at least for me - I don't hold on to it. I need to experience it inside me, my body, for it to stick... memory in the muscle.

My goals are to more knowledgable in yoga posture - the pose and it's purpose - both for the body and the mind/spirit. I think I tend to get lazy here, so my intention is to go back to "beginner's mind" and study one pose in depth... going deeper than before and bring that to my art as well.

If I am clear in my own mind, I can better teach others, communicate it clearer.

That thought just brought me to what poses to delve into ... side stretches which open up the gall bladder meridian.. to release confusion and to gain clarity.

Side to side.. this way or that way.. get clear and come into balance.

Namaste'

The Thinker

2008-11-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

I've been amused by myself lately. Little things that make me laugh at myself, screwed up story-telling, miscommunications, wrong dates...
Yesterday, I was torn between staying at home and going to a Wellness Fair. There were two women I really wanted to meet there, but there was a strong pull to stay home and work on some art projects. Should I go... should I stay... decision making is so difficult for me. Torn.
I went into my art room and got lost in some art making, when I heard a sound that did NOT sound good... something had fallen in the bedroom.
I got up to find my "thinking" frog had leaped off the shelf onto the floor, missing his left foot and the candle (which had been previously lit that morning) over turned.
Immediately, I was grateful that my Gratitude candle was not lit! Then picked up froggy and found his foot.
I noticed it was 1:00. Was froggy telling me something??
If I leave now, I can catch the 1:30 lecture!!! It must be an OMEN!
I'm meant to go.
I grabbed the glue and attached his foot... found a safe place for him to sit upside down while drying.... Heart over Head did not go unnoticed :-)... put on my converse sneakers, grabbed my coat and Peru hat (very windy out)... said, "see ya later" to hubby and I was off.........
Green lights and clear traffic (except one guy that wanted to cross my path) gave me further validation I was meant to go.
I entered the grounds, looking for some sort of sign... no signs?? I asked one guy and he told me to go right.... found another woman and she pointed to the building behind her... I could park along side the road I was on... no other cars??
where is everybody??
(sometimes, it takes me awhile :-)
I walked up the path, thinking, "wow, not a lot of people here means I'll get my choice of sessions"... I check one door and it is locked, another... locked.. I continue up the path..
Notice how persistant I am :-)
A woman comes out to see if I need help.. a very kind woman and when I mention the Wellness Fair, she tells me it's next week.
I laugh at myself.. again.
I over think... and of course I thought about the frog message on the way home..
Maybe he was telling me something else.
Yeah.
Like, clean your room! or maybe that I over think.........

It is time....

2008-11-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

A Truth We Possess
Chaos and Order will always be.

Dark and Light will always be.

These are infinite truths,

and they will not be altered by our will.
Our power is not in our ability to dissolve the shadows,

or to destroy the darkness

or to conquer Chaos.
Our power is in our ability to manifest worlds of Light

from our beliefs,

birth dreams of better worlds

from our desires and create realities of beauty

with our Will.
What we think, we become.

What we fear, becomes us.

What we feel, we come to believe.

What we imagine, comes to be.
This is a Truth we possess,

that possesses us.

This is the Way to realize Heaven on Earth.

This is the Light of our True Self,

shining bright from within,

nourishing and radiating out

the Divine Spark of Creation.
-Soullab

I found this at Creative Astrology - words for the people.

I am feeling very hopeful this morning.

Now I want to paint the butterfly!

She is releasing, leaving the cocoon.

It is time....

Follow your Dreams....

2008-10-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

I am reading Patti Digh's book, Life is a Verb: 37 Days to wake up, be mindful, and live intentionally. In this wonderful, inspiring book, is one of my favorite quotes.

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." - Buddha

It is one of the things I love so much about photography - taking those close up pictures of nature, and being stunned by it's amazing patterns and intricacies. It brings me closer to that presence of being in the now and appreciating life's miracles.

I mean really, stop for a moment and look around. How the @%#*!!!! did all this happen????

How did this all mind-boggling stuff come about? The human body alone!! stars, the solar system.... flowers, insects, this computer.... and of course we just say.. God. Because it's probably too overwhelming for us... maybe we'd all go crazy :-)

On the next page is another wonderful quote:

"People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black curious eyes of a child - our own two eyes.

All is a miracle. - Thich Nhat Hanh
This book, with the premise of if you knew you had 37 left to live your life, what would you do.. It puts things into perspective.

Somethings just aren't worth worrying or getting agitated about. Priorities shift.

Petty arguments dissolve.

Creating art moves to the top of the priority list.

I put more love into my cooking.

Everything... EVERYTHING becomes sacred.

My relationships take on deeper meaning.

I can open my heart more and be more vulnerable, take more risks.

I put these laces in my sneakers. They say follow your dreams as a reminder that each step I take should be one that brings me towards love and peace and happiness.

Journey in that direction.

It is better to believe than to disbelieve;

in so doing you bring everything to the realm of possibility.

(Albert Einstein)

Passion

2008-10-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

Pondering a dream I had last night, it got me thinking about passion. Passion in doing whatever it is you are doing. Lessons from Nature. Roses speak passion to me.

Leaves changing color, too.

Gracefully moving in the direction of change... not fighting it, but moving through it in beauty that takes my breath away.

Sometimes the changes are so subtle.

Gently releasing... letting go.

In terms of Art, I'm setting an intention to open up more and "speak" from my heart, letting go of "reasons" and analysis for a bit.. I can be a bit heady and so I'd like to move more towards passion and wild abandonment!

Infinite Possibilites

2008-10-04T11:45:00.001-07:00

What can we change when we look first to our similiarites rather than our differences?

First find the common ground.

Then we can respectfully find acceptance in our differences...

Because when we are friends, we celebrate our diversity, learn from each other.

Growing, reaching out with love beyond all surface issues because in Truth we are the same.

We are One.

When we work together as one, whole, we can accomplish amazing things.

May ALL Beings be at Peace

Namaste'

Poison Ivy Eyes

2008-10-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

As I was going through my pictures, I came across this one and had to laugh...
why?
These ivy eyes are pretty much saying what is going on with me.
Poison Oak! Yes, it is surrounded my eyes, around my face, in my ear...
It's been an interesting week, to say the least and I would love to attribute it to the mercurial hiccups, but it may just be that there are lessons that were not learned, and I revisisted them again. In the cosmic calender, it was written :"The point of Mercury reversals is to allow human beings to review, reflect and re-evaluate what's been happening in their lives for several months, make the necessary corrections and then go forward again having learned some difficult lessons."
How is it that I did not learn this one!?! This is not the first time it's happened.
About early 90's, when I was teaching in a school, I decided to pick some leaves behind my home, for the kids to draw in art class. Same time of the year, as they were changing colors, not to mention in time for Halloween!
Repeat. Fast-forward to Wednesday... I did check to see if there were the three-leaf poison ivy plants and thought I was ok, but I did have to reach for that one that had changed to a beautiful red... needless to say, I wasn't too sure what poison oak looked like, and it just may be the leaf I picked!
My eyes do not look pretty...................
I am now reviewing my past week... heated arguement in yoga class between two students.. (rash behaviour?) yes, that's right, yoga class! Isn't that supposed to be calm and relaxing...... followed by a irrate custodian leaving a message having to do with enough room in yoga class which would have prevented the arguement.
Make the necessary corrections and move forward.
1) Do NOT, repeat, DO NOT go into the back to pick leaves ever again!!!!
2) Communicate DIRECTLY to custodian about space issues for yoga class.
3) Move forward, with lessons learn.

International Peace Day

2008-09-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

Sunday, Sept. 21st, is Peace Day. Here's a painting I did for a "prompt" from the Mandala Oasis group. After meeting Joey today at the football game, I had an idea for next year, providing the case in the town house is clear.. Have the kids in art class make some posters, or paint some rocks, or mandalas... for Peace Day.

It was a gorgeous day which is why I went with myhusband to the game... just for the walk. As it turns out, it was a good day for some networking. I'll have to remember this next time when I think, "why in the world would I want to go to the football game?"

Peace Within = Peace Without

Be Peace.

May all Beings be at Peace.

Namaste'

Spirals In Nature

2008-09-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday on our walk, I took a picture of this spider. She was pretty big and I was a little far from her for a good shot, but this morning, It got me thinking ...
I've been coming across a lot of spirals in nature lately, as I've become more focused on patterns in nature... more so this year than any other. Probably because of my interest in the mandalas, sacred geometry and "messages".
The spiral is a pattern found throughout nature and a powerful image for me... unfolding that which is hidden or maybe folding in upon it self in order to hide.. expansion and contraction.. birth and decay.
The spider according to Ted Andrews, "teaches you to maintain a balance - between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female." (Maintaining Balance being the "theme" of this blog)
Reading his mention that the "spiral energy, the links with the past and the future". This I had to laugh about because I ran into a childhood friend... my first "boyfriend" that I played with and like very much.... and I was with my husband. My past and my present/future. (life's funny)

According to Angeles Arrien, the spiral is about growth and change. "It is the process of coming to the same point again and again, but at a different level, so that everything is seen in a new light."
She says flexibility is a majoy requirement and this is the angel card that sits on my desk.
"The spiral in art and the spiral metaphor used in mythological spinning and weaving stories are both symbols for the same universal process of growth. They each announce the desire for diverse expression of creativity." (italics mine)
We all have this natural desire to grow and evolve spiritually with "the relentless power of the creative spirit". Our creative endeavors must be honored and respected. We must listen to that inner creative urge to explore new avenues, go where the muse will take us.. Risk, stretch, grow.
I had a dream last night that I was to travel to Mexico to take a class in clay and photography.
I found a cheap flight from Westchester airport for only $150 and the flight was to take off at 1:50. Not sure what the numbers mean (yet) but I pondered the whole process of the spiral and went into my art room to create a new mandala using the spiral.... of course :-)

Gestation period -

2008-09-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

"Thank you for listening to the messages."
This is what she said as we were leaving, after John bought me this beautiful bracelet called "Butterfly Maiden".
I always see messages, probably more so than the average person. Probably too much.
Always looking for meaning to things, hidden meanings.
Sometimes I just cannot ignore them. It's the way of the Seeker.
This summer was the summer of the caterpillars. I saw them 3 different times, each time they crawled into the art tent. I've worked there for 24 years (!!) and it was the first time I saw them. They were big green ones which became filled with yellow hairs.
We were browsing the tables, and we came upon this one table that was selling bracelets that were made with "intentions"... and the one she pulled for me, "Butterfly Maiden" pink and topaz crystals... I thought it very intuitive on her part. We chatted for a bit and told her about the caterpillars and my astrological reading.
Just before this, I had a reading where I was told I was in a "gestation period", a waiting period where it was better for me to wait, rather than "do" anything...... Saturn was sitting in my 12th house and would soon conjunct my ascendant, but until that time, it was not a time of doing, but rather waiting.... and then I would "know" what to do.

I'm reading "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd, which I bought awhile back and just picked it up yesterday. She talks about waiting, the gestation period and the cocoon she found.
The importance of waiting spiritually is often overlooked in our "fast-paced" society.
Here it was again. No accident in buying this book! another message.
I'm ok with waiting, but I'm curious as well... what does life have in store for me when I do break out of my cocoon... what will this transformation look like?
There are things in my life that are working very well for me and I would be grateful for them to stay the same, but there are things that need to go.
Get rid of what is not working to make room for that which is, and to be better able to focus on it more efficiently.
I am painting again.
This brought up a dream, reminded by the book actually, of the giant cocoon filled with many little cocoons that turned into butterflies. I was standing at the doorway of my art room looking into my bedroom where this was happening. I painted this, and put it away unfinished.
Messages of transformation have been repeating themselves to me these past few months, maybe longer.
I've just been having these feelings that something is on the verge, about to change, there is something more... something different... and I am wondering.. what?
So I have gone back to painting, mostly to see what wants to show up. What is it that needs to be revealed. (The magic of painting)
Saturn in the 12th house of the unconscious will move into the 1st house. The house of me.
Who is that? What will my soul reveal to me, my purpose, my mission. I'm ok with being still, going within to discover what that is. To get in touch with the "still voice within" and discover what kind of butterfly I actually am.
I see it as a process, each time I "transform", I grow deeper into my spirituality and discover another deeper part of myself, the true Self that needs to be expressed.
Shedding away the masks we put on for the public and allowing more and more of the Self to express itself.
Amazing process really, but it calls for a lot of patience, doesn't it?

Chew on this!

2008-09-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Before leaving for vacation, my husband and I went to the Wainwright house for a Healing Arts fair. We went to a few lectures and I had my astrological/tarot reading done (which calls for an entire new post).

The last lecture we went to was given by Lorraine Gengo called "Discover your Essential Nature through Ayurveda".

I have always been confused about what my dosha was. Still am.

John is so clear cut, emphasis on Pitta, whereas I am all over the place.

So during my wonderful and relaxing vacation, I spent a good deal of time reading. One of the books called Prakriti: Your Ayurvedic Constitution by Dr. Robert E. Svoboda.

As I was reading, one of those aha lightbulbs went off.

It occured under the chapter Balance.... mmmm. . . just what this blog is about, me bringing myself into balance.

We all know how stress, or the reaction to stress, wreaks havoc on our immune system and allows dis-ease to enter our body. It seems that is the "answer" given nowadays by doctors... "it's stress" .. easy, lazy answer.

We all have stress. Every time something new, some change, comes along, usually unexpected, it brings stress into our lives. We need to know how to deal with it. Our natural reaction to it is determined by our constitution ( our dosha). We are capable of changing it, but first comes awareness.

The three doshas are Vata, Pitta, Kapha.

Vata is the more unstable form, Pitta is more reactive, and Kapha is more inert.

To use the example given by our lecturer, if stuck in an elevator, Vata would freak out pushing buttons and well, freak out. Pitta would pick up his cell phone and call for help. (Yes, John would do exactly that, because he would actually have his cell on him) and Kapha, would just stand by, "no worry, someone will help us" and that would be me because after all, I'm with John, Mr. Pitta who has the cell phone!

Aside from stress, it is written that Indigestion is the base of all physical disease, the condition from which all other disease conditions arise. ... the inability to digest any physical, mental or emotional input, is the sole disease of living beings.

Disease starts in the mind as "an offense against wisdom" and then projected from the mind into the physical body.

We KNOW eating the ice cream or cookie isn't good for us, but we eat it anyway... "an offense against wisdom". So, a clogged system is the punishment for this offense.

According to this ayurveda system, it is most important to be able to digest our foods, taking all the nutrients from it and eliminate the rest.

No burping, no discomfort after eating, and you have a nice poop with no problem :-)

That's the physical... but there is also the mental reaction, which again is not to have mental discomfort, you don't "burp" up any reactions, or have disturbing thoughts or dreams.

Now here comes my "aha" moment.

"Don't bite off more than you can chew", words that I have heard my mother repeatedly tell me. Not so much with having to eat, but with work. And yes, guilty I am of this (but consciously working on it) and I have looked at this as a result of self-employment. I say yes to everything that comes my way, because what if it stops coming..... (fear based thinking).

Life has proved this to be untrue, showing me that "the universe provides" but I need reminding.

Holy Shit! I realize here it is in the physical as well. I have been criticized for eating too fast, even being called a "hoover". The next bite most often goes in before I'm done chewing and have swallowed what is in my mouth.

I'm "biting off more than I can chew" literally!

This leads into issues of holding on as well. I tend more to hold on to things "just in case I need them"... thoughts jotted down on paper, notebooks filled with ideas, magazine, books, old clothes that "might" be recycled into art projects. It's that "waste not, want not" mentality.

Conscious change occurs when one is aware. Once you become "enlightened" about a situation, then you can take the appropriate path towards recovery, sometimes or maybe often times, with the support of a friend to help you stay on the path.. to point out to you that you may need to "chew on something" for awhile. And this is what I am doing.

Being more conscious of my eating physically to properly digest it all will help me "digest" all the mental stuff.

My new moon intentions are to eat more consciously. PUT THE FORK DOWN! while I am chewing. swallow. then I can take another bite...

If someone offers me a "job", chew on it before I answer. Do I really want to do it? or am I taking it on out of "fear of lack".

Mandala of Moments

2008-08-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

Movement through time.

Counting each second as we move around from

beginning to beginning.

cycles.

change.

return..

spiraling upwards through each cycle

spinning through space.

Moving through change

moment by moment

second by second

no stopping.......

During our stay in Phoenicia, each evening I did a mandala.

No music as I usually listen to. Only the sound of the river as we kept the windows open until it was too chilly.

I was more aware of my thoughts and then not, back and forth.

Sometimes, I felt my mind to be so still, I wondered if there were any thoughts at all. But then that was the thought that brought me back to "the voices in my head".

I tried often to watch these thoughts, to get in touch with the "witness", the One behind the thougthts, Me, the True Self... that One.

These mandalas were the catalyst to help me be there, in that space when the mind quiets.

Bliss :-)

Each day, Each moment... make it count, embrace it for what it is.

Gifts

2008-08-25T05:21:00.000-07:00

It's a wonderful feeling when you find blessings in your life.

As if the Universe just keeps pouring these gifts out to you, landing on your lap.

An extreme feeling of gratefullness, unlike the everyday blessings I feel. Rather, these open one's heart even more.

They are the blessings one finds in the ordinary and the extra ordinary.

Seeing magic and mystery in all of nature, in every seed, in every drop of water.

Perfect weather. Sun. Breeze. Clear sky.

Healings.

A week of this. Following my bliss. Being in nature, reading and creating at leisure. No time limits. No watch. No tv. No computer.

This mandala was a tribute to the healing waters of Pachamama.

On arriving home, blessing continued with gifts from friends. This one (see right of blog) is from Mai-Liis, aka Chaska, and
will soon pass it on to 5 more bloggers....

The Right Triangle Mandala

2008-08-12T04:40:00.000-07:00

During my "forced" cleaning frenzy (due to a leak) I came across some things that were tucked away deep within the recesses of other stuff... piles of stuff... layers and layers of papers and books and all the things I needed to save.

In my journey through all of this, I came across Judith Cornell's Healing Mandala book, which I didn't even realize I was missing it. It became seperated from the rest of the kit.

The other kit that caught my eye is John Michael Greer's cards and book on Geometic Transformation.

I pulled a card. Right Triangle.

So I did a mandala using the right triangle. As I began, it triggered a dream I had about teaching an art class on perspective the night before. I thought that was kind of interesting........

The card's meaning (divination reading) is Proportion. " A card of synthesis, pointing to a time when parts can be brought together to form a new oneness. Everything you see is a piece of the puzzle... what matters is how you put it together. The right triangle calls for you to sort out a wider range of factors; at the same time, it doesn't insist on equality."

What deserves my time... what are my priorities?

It was thought-provoking as I was creating the mandala. As I drew lines, it sometimes created a triangle that wasn't a right triangle.. one side needs to be a right angle.. so I played around until I was satisfied I had created all right triangles (except the area near the circle).

I jumped back and forth between coloring it as a mirror of it's opposite side or to create it as a pattern around the design, alternating colors, which made me think of a pin wheel.

I didn't like it.

So I added patterns inside the colors.... I like it better.

This seems to be more of an exercise in the left brain in the beginning. Problem solving. Attention to detail, logic.

At one point I felt smart. Only way I can explain it... like I could jump into doing some math after this.

Maybe I should do something like this before my taxes.. brain prep.

This changed when I started adding color and patterns which was more free-flowing.

Balance!

gathering stones

2008-08-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

I collect rocks.
We vacation in Phoenicia, NY on the Esopus river. Smooth round stones are everywhere. Each time, I come back with an armful in the trunk. Instead of watching TV, I spend the evenings painting on them. Mostly mandalas.
Some of these stones were given as gifts or ended up in our pond at moms. Other's are placed around our home, piles placed on the floor or window sills.
Special ones were gathered from Lake Titicaca.
Along with the river stones, are gem stones: Amethyst, carnelian, turquoise, geodes placed strategically around as well.
I was surprised when the camp director pulled out three stones from her pocket the last day at camp. She said she felt naked without them.. always carrying them. One she had used to have words on it and were rubbed off with time. Worry stones.
What is this comfort we get from holding stones?
They are like the bones of the earth. solid. grounding. slow to change.
One more week here and then we leave for the cabin there.
I rest on rocks heated by the sun, allowing it's heat to penetrate my back as I lie down, with my feet dangling in the cool running water. Just being. soaking up the energy of the place. resting. rejuvenating.... and gathering stones.

12 moon cycles

2008-08-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

Circle, equidistant cross and the square.
***As I am sitting here beginning to write about this, the oddest(?) thing is occurring!!!
I am watching a program on India and they are talking about mandalas... not only that but the image they showed is similar to the image ( the center part) here. .. and with the white center the same in the cross ... they say it is the most important part... representing "enlightenment"...
... so cool.
ok. now that THAT is over :-)
back to my feelings about this~
As I chose my first, third and fifth symbols to create this, (check link below for explanation)
I found my self resisting, hesitating... I think it was the square.. I kept looking at "perfection".
I even looked for some stencils. I did use them with part of this and then abandoned them.
Square to me is "structure" and I tend to have a bit of a rebellious relationship with it. It's more of a love/hate one. I need it to a degree, especially to help me get started.. to keep deadlines, etc. but when it come to the act of creating, I need more freedom, so that is where resistance was coming in. It wasn't as spontaneous as I have been with the previous mandalas.
With the square, I was also feeling that it needed to be symmetrical. (some discipline involved?)
As I moved along, I realized I was creating the Andean Cross which I have been attracted to since my first trip to Peru. The image is in the yellow square, and is made with my three chosen symbols.
I intensely observed my reactions to creating this, which is something I don't always do, at least not as much.
I began to like where it was going and my attitude was changing to one of openness, excited and then settled into this feeling of being inspired ... until one point - the moons and the background to them. Unsure what to do, I waited... and then....
...... the asymmetry comes in at last. Because there were 12 circles, I thought of the 12 months, the phases of the moon and that's where I gravitated to.
To me the square is grounding (foundation). I see it as Earth, structure, rigidity, solid, stable and it is the number 5 choice of my preferences.

This was an interesting process that can be found on Sue's blog, Sacred Circle Mandalas where you can read about these symbols in depth and some very interesting info she gathered from Angeles Arrien's book, Signs of Life. Go check it out!
I'm ready to do another one..

Healing Earth

2008-07-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

After playing around with the zendalas for awhile, I colored in this mandala that I had drawn a couple of days ago. This was one of the times that I sat with an empty circle... waiting...
No tracing (obviously)... next I drew the inner circle and then proceeded with the shapes around the circle... not knowing what they would be.
Finally inside the inner circle, she appeared. I think it is my desire to get in touch with nature. To feel the peacefulness, it's serenity, it's healing ability... just to have that feeling of being one with it.
It's been a "harried" week. Mom had appointments... John had appointments and of course there is work... and it was (and still is) HOT!
Tuesday was spent at the medical center... spleen specialist and cat scans.
Ironically, the place was freezing inside. Blankets were placed around for the taking and I definitely needed one.... while outside it was hot as hell! (figure of speech here - don't really believe in hell) .......anyway.........
There, I met Rose. John went to get her a blanket as she sat freezing and John being John, started up chatting away, making her laugh.
She was from Sicily, so we moved into the direction of travel and we teased John about flying. (He won't fly, but that's another story)
While John was inside getting scanned, I learned about Rose and was reminded "there is always someone worse off that you or your loved ones".
She didn't even have a spleen, was waiting for a liver transplant and has lupus. I learned about the effects of ammonia on the liver and the brain.
So, the cloud formations surrounding the inner circle, were intentions of healing the liver and spleen...
John got one step closer towards more healing as the catheter was taken out on Friday. He is a very happy camper.
Many healing thoughts go out to others today that need healing in what ever form, physically, mentally, emotionally.......
May you feel the breeze on your skin and smell a flower and hopefully it's not too hot for ya!

Blessing Moon

2008-07-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

Early this morning the full moon in Capricorn opposed the Sun in Cancer.

Reading from Moon Circles, I was inspired to do a moon mandala. Kate, from MandalaOasis yahoo group, informed me it was called a Blessing Moon.

Yes. Now I see the blessings being poured down upon the Earth, poured down upon me. I went to sleep with the moon shining in my window and thought... just briefly.. of all my blessings.

I quickly was out... sound asleep.

This moon in Capricorn, an earth sign, along with the sun in Cancer, a water sign.. together form mud or clay, that which creates forms, vessels. I am an Aquarian, the water barer, with a mission to help carry these blessings, share them with the world.

When we focus on our blessings, uplifting us with positive and grateful energy, we are then renewed and able to bring these blessings to others... pay them forward.

We cannot give to others if our well is dry.

Therefore, we must allow the time for ourselves to replenish the well, filling ourselves up with sacred time. Time to explore our soul, healing wounds, forgiving ourselves and others, being compassionate with ourselves.

It is time for self-nurturing.

May you be well blessed during this time.

Namaste'

Turtle Medicine

2008-07-12T08:32:00.001-07:00

I read something on line and this image of turtle with hearts or the thought of hearts as a doorway brought up this idea... so with sketchbook in hand, sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office, I began to draw... This morning as I colored it in, I kept thinking of Turtle Medicine.
For me, home is important... it is my sanctuary. I need a peaceful environment to regenerate, to regroup, and of course to create. Our home is art and filled with love... two of us coming home to one another... sitting together and coloring.
I found this as well:

The Turtle
The turtle is a creature of the water. Because of its great age and its slow metabolism the turtle is associated with longevity. Turtle medicine can teach new perceptions about time and our relationship to it. It can also help us grow old gracefully and in harmony with our environment. When the pace of life becomes too hectic the turtle shows us how to slow down and go with the flow.
Turtles have amazing survival skills and strategies. They sense vibrations in the water through their skin and shell. Turtle totems hold the mystery of awakening the senses on both the physical and spiritual levels and can stimulate clairaudience.
Turtles carry their homes on their back. The shell is actually the backbone and ribs of the turtle and serves as home and shelter for it. Those with this medicine should remember not to acquire more possessions then they actually need. The burden of responsibility can become a heavy weight for you to carry.
When turtle is flipped on its back it uses its strong neck to right itself. This can be a reminder to use your own head and inner knowledge to right yourself when your world gets topsy-turvy.
All turtles must come ashore to lay their eggs and they are usually buried. When the eggs hatch they make their way to the water. The link between water and land especially for the purpose of reproduction has great significance.
When turtle shows up in your life, it is time to get connected to your most primal essence. Go within your shell and come out when your ideas are ready to be expressed. The turtle cannot separate itself from its shell and we cannot separate ourselves from what we do to the earth. The way to heaven is through the earth and both are interconnected.

and then I found this as well, and found some of this to fit as well:

The Tortoise
The tortoise is a land bound creature and is exclusively terrestrial. In myth and folklore the tortoise represents determination and longevity. Tortoises have high domed shells and heavy elephant like hind legs. The weight of its shell keeps it from moving too fast. The heaviness of its hind legs gives it the strength to carry heavy loads. Those with this totem often carry the loads of others as well as the burdens of self. They make good therapists but must be careful not to take on the problems of other people.
One of the most ancient and adaptable creatures, the tortoise holds the energy of patience and perseverance. They are very sensitive to the environment in which they live and have a strong psychic connection to mother earth. Extreme changes in climatic conditions can affect their overall disposition. Tortoise medicine people need a stable environment for their overall well being. Without this stability they are prone to mood swings.
The tortoise feels vibrations within the earth and reacts strongly to them. By observing the tortoise's behavior we are forewarned of any imbalances within the earth's core before an actual change occurs. This helps us prepare for geophysical changes in a balanced way.
The tortoise is self-reliant and self determined. Its ability to survive for as long as it has is partly due to its talent to stay focused. When this medicine is fully developed within us we use these gifts efficiently. If this medicine is underdeveloped staying centered in spite of the constant distractions that appear in our day-to-day life will be our greatest challenge.
Tortoises are vegetarians and are very terrestrial. Those with this totem can benefit from a similar diet and often place a great deal of importance on a stable home environment. The tortoise carries their home on their backs and reminds us that although stability in our life is important true stability lies within ourselves.
Moving slowly through life the tortoise observes and processes everything efficiently. This movement compliments its inner wisdom. When the tortoise shuffles into your life it is ready to share that wisdom with you. All you need to do is slow down, pay attention and begin to move with patient persistence. In this way longevity, inner strength and a harmonious lifestyle are attained.

Passion

2008-07-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

This morning I read from The Painter's Keys something he wrote and keeps around, a reminder, a prayer of sorts..

The world's engagement of beauty is my bible,
And Art is my religion.
I come to it as a child. I add all the grown wisdom I can gather.
Creativity is my salvation.
My easel is the altar.
My paints are the sacraments.
My brush is my soul's movement,
and to do poorly, or not to work, is a sin.

For many years, this is how I have felt.. the beauty of nature was my church. I stopped going to a conventional church because I came away feeling worse than when I went in. I would rather have my time spent with "God" or this Creative Universal Intelligence.. This Ultimate Divine Being alone doing art... Art.

Art is my salvation, the path I use to find that quiet, still voice within... to keep me in touch with the Divine Self and when I don't do any art for awhile, I feel it. I feel the difference in my moods... becoming cranky, irritable.. and when we are not full of Joy, that's what sin is... against Joy and Love is not being with the Divine.. my idea of sin.

Art is my passion, and wherein lies passion, lies the connection to the Divine Self...

Follow your bliss

2008-07-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

Decisions.
Sometimes easily made and sometimes not.
I've had my challenges in making the best one.. but the fact is we have them.
We have the freedom to choose.
We ALWAYS have the freedom to choose how we react.. the path we take, where we want to go in life.

We may feel at times, that these decisions are made for us, or forced upon us, but ultimately, it is always our choice.
We are always free to choose.
I watched this video here and it made me think how we have become so apathetic about some things, thinking we have no choice... but we do.

It's amazing how much we consume... and waste.
We have a choice in buying goods. We are the ones with the power as a consumer.
Sometimes I'm guilty with this type of thinking.... that I'm at the mercy of the "establishment"... but most often, I'd rather dig up something in my closet than buy something that "they" believe and try to make me believe that I will be prettier, sexier, healthier, smarter... or whatever...

We have so much in this country! and we take it for granted as if it will always be there.

I became much more aware of this while visiting Peru.

Everywhere we went, only a quarter of a napkin was given - paper was not dispensed so freely as it is here.

If I don't like what you are offering, I will go somewhere else. But why not let them know...
why not voice your opinion more often.

I tend to think, my little voice doesn't matter, but if enough people spoke up or decided to lead by example (bring your own cup to work, use cloth napkins) then maybe others would follow suit.
Today, I was annoyed with the packaging of a kit I had ordered for camp. Each piece was individually wrapped in plastic. Not only did it take forever to hand these things out , but I ended up with a bag of plastic bags!!!!
We're lucky to live in a country where we can speak up and do have the freedom to choose.

Let's not ever give that away.

Permission to Play

2008-07-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today I watched as some other counselors, old and young, gave themselves permission to play. They sat with the kids and enjoyed the simple pleasure of coloring and creating.

I started with the older groups and found the project to be a bit challenging and frustrating. No fun if I have to put it together for them and it keeps falling apart.... so I did what I do best... I created a new project with the parts.

Much better.... and more playful :-) We made wishing stars.

Not only that, but the counselors wanted to sit and color and it was so nice to see them get excited about their own creativity.

Play.

Summer should be about play and I'm thinking this is the theme of this summer.

My message - to allow and play and not take it all so seriously.

And to share that as well... to encourage others to play.

I heard things today like, "I wish I were young again"... to which I replied, "You can create anytime you wish.. you should always allow yourself some "art time".

Another older counselor said, "I'm going to treat myself" and sat down and created as well.

We all made some magic today.

Make a wish!

Lessons from Play

2008-07-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Setting an intention.

I needed to change my mindset about camp and I did. The first two days were fun, laid back and playful. I didn't get to camp before hand like I usually do to put stuff away and have it somewhat organized. This stressed me out a bit....... but...

I figured I could at least find the markers and paper, so I had the kids create mandalas - first the girls and today it was with the boys.

I was surprised at how intently some groups were listening as I explained mandalas as sacred circles, magical, mystery circles... some of the groups I told them to think of something they wished for as the colored them.

It was great watching them and for the two days, I sat and colored a little bit with each group. It opened up some great discussions. Sometimes I am in awe of how smart these kids are.

At the end of class, we displayed them and I took pictures of them while they worked (process) and the completed ones.

Today, at the end of the day while most of the kids were in the pool, I went to the center of the basketball court and starting creating a mandala with colored chalk.

"Awesome!" I heard... "She's making a flower"... a few girls came over to check out what I was doing. .. and I handed them the chalk for them to add to it. More and more joined in and it was so great watching them and their counselors getting into it and having fun while I took some pictures. (other blog)

I had decided I would have a more playful attitude with this and that is just what I did.

Coincidentally, this was in my mailbox from the daily om astrology:

"When you let yourself play, you stimulate your creativity and your imagination. In our busy world, it’s easy to deny ourselves the joy of play because we have so many tasks and responsibilities competing for our attention. Allowing yourself to think like a child and be playful can help you find ways to make work fun. Fulfilling your duties can feel delightful and chores can become tasks to be completed in creative ways. Because you are focused on play, you may find yourself making time to be playful. Reconnecting with your sense of play can help you rediscover your child’s-eye view of a world that is full of wonder. When you give your inner child freedom the freedom to play today, you will find that your playful attitude adds a note of fun to your endeavors."

Kids are a blessing in my life. It's good to give yourself time to play, but when you are surrounded by children, playing with them, then you truly learn or relearn what play is about. Being spontaneous, reconnecting to a different way of seeing things, that sense of wonder children have, a fresh and new perspective.... these are what I return to when I engage with them... they stimulate my creativity... my imagination. We explore together and discover things I may not have discovered on my own with my "adult" vision.

Yes. They are true blessings in my life and I'm grateful to reminded of it over and over again.

Let it go.........

2008-06-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

Upon awakening (no, not that Awakening:-), I sat drinking my coffee, pondering my behaviour... so, here I am pouty, feeling as I am regressing to a childish behaviour and I ask my husband, "Do you love me?"

"ABSOLUTELY!"

"Do you love me even when I'm grumpy and irritiable?"

"Yes."

I didn't sleep, but when I did I had crazy dreams. One being that I went to a fortune teller who said she wishes she could open up a Cat Cleaner's.... I have a friend from Texas who would move here if you did, I told her.

The bottom line is - it's not really just the tooth - it's that I have to work on someone else's time.

For 6 weeks, time for myself is lessened. I work outside at a camp teaching art and I don't like the heat and humidity. I leave by 8:15...(ugh) and during the year, it's more like "whenever".

I do like kids. Love 'em. But this is pretty much 20 classes a week as opposed to 5 or sometimes 6. When I have a painting job, I can call it a day when I want to. I am my own boss :-)

So....using the wise words of Abraham, better to focus on what I DO want:

Having fun, chilling out and creating with the kids.

It's a good pay check :-) and it goes by fast.

Reward is a week in the mountains and then onto the ocean.

So, lighten up Dor, and fly...............................

Light my path

2008-06-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

I wish my path - the one I should take - would be well lit.

That is just what I wish, but what the truth is, no matter what path I do take... it is the path I should take. No matter what path we take, it is there to teach us something. We learn, no matter what. Maybe one path is harder and the lesson is tougher, and other times when we can skip down that path, feeling the lightness of our being.

Not today.

Today, my path feels heavy. Clouded. I'm very cranky with a toothache. There are these "should-haves" running across my mind, and although they will make my life easier for tomorrow, today I just wanted to have some time for me.

Done. No going back.

Today, I chose "grumpy".

Tomorrow is another day.

Yantra for the Moon

2008-06-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

Moon Nourishment

A great article in Yoga Journal talks about these Yantras.

Similar to Mandalas, both seen as sacred and helping one to turn inward and used for healing. According to the article, the practice originates from the use of mantra (sound vibrations) and yantra (visual depictions of the sound vibrations)...

The article, which is worth reading, is in the Aug. 08 issue, called Drawn Inward by Sarah Tomlinson, page 71.

For me, mandalas or yantras... as long as they bring me into that state of centeredness, peace and being in the moment... doesn't matter much what they are called or how it is done.

Although, what I did find interesting in the article was the approach to them. Starting at the top, working clockwise around and towards the center, brings you out of the chattered mind (external world) and into the calm place within. Oh yeah, to live there... to be able to make clear decisons, to be so focused and calm as not to be rattled by someone's opinion. Yeah, that's where I'd like to live. And how does one get there?...... practice, Doreen, practice and patience.

If you go to www.yogajournal.com/yantras you should come to a page with 5 yantras that you can print out and color... thank you YJ :-)

Centering in the Storm

2008-06-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am in mandala mode.

I'm also reading and focusing on the chakras.

Asked the question, "What calms me?" This came to mind.

Being still.

To be still in the chaos that surrounds us, what a wonderful gift that would be...

and what brings us there?

The breath.

The mind will follow the breath... then the body will follow the mind.

As we breathe in deep full breaths, our minds will quiet, become calmer and our body will relax. We become calm.

It is such a powerful tool. We carry it with us everywhere we go.. we just need to bring our awareness to it.

Every deep and wonderous, divine breath, I am grateful.

Digging Deep

2008-06-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

ROOT CHAKRA:
Reading up on the root chakra, I was inspired by a passage about Earth as Home. Mother Earth - Pachamama... my mother. my home. my roots......
Friday I watched Danielle Bain, Medicine Woman, and how she had come to the realization after traveling for I think 6 months, that she needed to go back home to study the medicine of her people.
Traveling is good for the soul. We learn how similar we are even with our differences. We are all brothers and sisters on this planet.
But it is always good to come home.
In the first chakra, it is where Spirit is grounded in the material world. We manifest our creativity in a physical form.
It is here where we must get out of our head and into our body. Connecting to Mother Earth provides a healing source.
We master the fundamentals of survival here by grounding our spirit into our body. We ground our energy in some form of expression, discharging an accumulaton of emotional energy.
Consciously breathing and moving our body, connecting to our inner core, bringing awareness to the body and puts us in touch with our feelings.
Move consciously upon the Earth.
Be aware of the ground beneath your feet. Walking meditation.
Tell the truth about what you feel.
"I am a child of the Universe and I am taken care of."
"I honor my body by nurturing it with healthy food, exercise, and loving thoughts"
Mother Earth blesses me with Abundance.
I take responsibility for myself. I honor all my needs.
I am in touch with the Mother within and it's healing source.
Good yoga postures to help be grounded:
Lying on your back. Knees bent and allowing the whole spine to release onto the ground.
Tree Pose ~ Mountain Pose ~ Child Pose ~Cobra ~
Color Red
Square Shape
Blessing the Earth and being grateful.

Rooted - begin with a strong foundation

2008-06-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

I began this blog at the new moon in Gemini. Sun and Moon joined together in my 10th house. The 10th house is the career. Gemini, the twins, a sign of duality, multi-tasking, represents the lungs, arms, hands (for self-expression) A sign that represents communication... and I started a blog :-) This also explains why I usually have two or more jobs going at the same time.

Not only that, I joined another yahoo group - a mandala group. I started back up with

Creative Everyday and started to reread Susan's book, The Chakras in Shamanic Practice by Susan J. Wright. Susan is my yoga teacher and who I trained with for my certification. I'm reading Shaman, Healer, Sage by Alberto Villoldo and just so happen to be reading chapters on the chakras.

This morning, I decided I would sit for awhile and create a mandala. I thought of starting with the root chakra - that was my intention. As with any art, the creative process flows where it needs to go and I allowed whatever wanted to come up... messages of movement.

A message that has been repeating itself lately.

Yes. I need to move. Walk. Do some yoga.

Get in touch with the body and out of my head... so really, this mandala did have something to do with the first chakra. Placing your feet on the ground and move.

Muladhara is the Sanskrit name of the first chakra, meaning foundation. I decided it is best to start with a strong foundation to build upon. Our roots. It is where we begin to trust.

It is also here we connect to Mother Earth, Pachamama. What draws me to the South American cultures, Peru in particular, is the deep respect they have for Mother Earth.

She provides everything for us... food, shelter, gravity and heals us.

Walking, whether in sacred places like Machu Picchu or nearby wooded areas, provides us this opportunity to connect with her abundance.

Connecting with the earth helps us to connect with our own body. Walking and yoga are the two ways I use to help ground myself. These are the tools I use to ground me, bring me back to humbleness, to help me trust that I am provided for.

It began with a walk

2008-06-04T06:11:00.000-07:00

I've decided to get back into a daily or almost daily walk. Even if it's just around the block, I need to get the body moving. One reason is because I've gained some weight and the other is because it helps me to think better.

While in Peru (see other blog for pictures), my husband went into the hospital. Prostate was enlarged.. but it was more complicated than that.

Rethinking diet. Rethinking how we live.

And when you live with someone you care about and love to pieces, you share and help and grow together - challenges included.

My husband goes to extremes with many things. I see this in myself as well and he will point it out how much I do it with working.

Thus work and play need to be brought into balance.... among other things.

During my walk, my mind returned repeatedly to this idea of balance.

Yes, I want to fly. I want to do it all, reach for the stars, visit other lands, try new things, go wild with abandonment on a canvas.

Earth calls me. I need to be in the woods, surrounded by trees, plants, flowers, birds... otherwise I can get too flighty, too scattered. I need to be grounded to get things done. Practical stuff like putting things away before I am buried in clutter.

What do you do to bring yourself back into balance?