Balance

I am amazed at how quickly and often I can be thrown off balance. My answer to this recurring observation is to bring my attention back to yoga. Two new books arrived yesterday, bringing my awareness to this lack... and so we begin again.

There is always time to begin again, bring us back to beginner's mind.

It is with everything that needs this attention. Back to my whole way of being.. balancing the time I give to work, which has been over tipping here, with time for art and play. The balance I give between the giving and time for renewal of self.

Is my left balanced with my right.. a question I will continue to ask myself through out the day and weeks ahead.

Namaste'

Completing the circle

BALSAMIC PHASE

The power of the world always works in circles, and everything tries to be round…the sky is round, and…the earth is round like a ball, and so are the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours. The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle. The moon does the same, and both are round. Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a person is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves.- Black Elk

Winding down with the cycle of the moon. Time to rest. I did so much cleaning and reorganizing and my eyes show proof of it! Puffy, swollen but worth the effort. I smile every time I look into the room.

This will help me to move into a new phase. I've been making more cards and will continue with them until I have enough to present them.

I have the painting to work on as well. Loose ends. Finish up some stuff and then prepare for some newness... I feel good. Our home feels good.

Surrounded by love

Notice how you can get through just about anything as long as you are surrounded by love. Life comes at us hard at times.. and I wonder how I would have coped if I did not have the support that love provides. For this I am deeply grateful. Maybe this is it.. this is what it's all about. Our life's lesson. If I dwell in this pool of love, the ripples that expand outwards may touch others.. and through enough rippling effects we can help create greater change. sending you love.....

Your love brings me here

Your Love Lights me up.

This past year has been a long lesson on attitude and thought shifting.

"The Universe is energy that responds to expectation." This quote from Cherly Janecky.

What do I expect from life and what am I willing to do to receive it..

believe in it.

Act as if it's a done deal!

Expect it.

Expect miracles.

Eliminate all doubts.

But most importantly, stay tuned into love..

herein lies the magic

and the miracles

of life.

Having love surround me brings me into a space that equals nothing else.

Not money nor time can bring the me to a space of bliss as love does,

sharing love, giving love

being love.

Trail of Love

Finally spending more time in the art room. As I sit and paint or doodle, I make some notes on how this space can work more efficiently. I still have supplies tucked deep into the closet and I still need some shelving for materials that need to be more accessible.
Thought about the rug too and a need for something to cover it.. another thin cheap rug so as not to get any paint on it.
I've been playing around with cards.. taking what I have, altering the image a bit and printing the image on cards to send... leave a little love in the mail... and possibly have some for the show.
Started a canvas today too. It's been so love since I've painted on canvas and it feels great!
I did some smaller works with some water colors, but it's in a journal, and I need some art for the show...mandalas and assemblages. I won't have a lot of wall space, so I will have mostly assemblages or small mandalas.
Most importantly, it gives me the motivation to give myself equal time for creating. I lose my balance when I don't allow myself this time. I have to give it to myself and only I can do that.. I cannot wait for others to say, Hey, why don't you go home or into your studio to create.. John comes closest to doing this, I must say, but although I hear comments about how much is on my plate, I don't hear anyone say, go, do something for yourself.. I'll take care of this.
Although, on Thursday when my sweet brother said he'd take the wheelchair down the stairs.. I caught myself... I covered my mouth so those words.. "oh, that's ok, I'll do it" wouldn't come out of my mouth... "why thank you!" YES! and I laughed and we discussed taking advantage of an opportunity for help.
Why is it that I am comfortable helping, but not so much being helped and I do want help... yes! I do need it at times and still find it hard to ask.
Where in the world does that come from (MOM)??!!??
Independence is something that is cherished. My mom had the hardest time when she realized she had lost some of it and needed to rely on others for help. It depressed her for a while, but I told her, it was her time... all the things she did for us, raising 5 kids.. she deserved to be helped!
She's ok with this now, with some frustration flaring up once in a while.
Here too is balance.. although she thinks it is I who am taking care of her, she is there for me as well.. me and John. There to listen to me, to him, and that is something I needed so badly this past year.. I so appreciate her. I'm glad I can be there for her.
I'm glad I'm here for John.. the process of healing goes so much better when one is surrounded by love.
So, as best I can, I leave a trail of love behind me.
Grateful I can be there and help.
I refill the well with time for me and my art.
Love heals.
Art heals.

Breaking Free

I didn't get to sit and make a mandala until late in the day. I could have easily watched TV if there were something worth watching, but nope... how could there be so many channels with absolutely NOTHING good on any of them!
But maybe that is a good thing, because it's better I go and create... and that's what I did.
I found that I didn't like where this mandala was going and actually thought it to be ugly and that I was screwing it up. This is rare that I find myself thinking this, but I did notice that they were a lot of judgemental thoughts going on inside my head... stuff that the day brought, disappointments, etc. I was releasing it onto the paper.
It was after most of the mandala was finished when my thoughts had shifted and I began to read it's message.
Breaking free from what chains me to the past.. past behaviours, bad habits, unconscious behaviors that stay with us from our childhood, behaviours we pick up from our parents.
This has been coming to the surface lately. My "reactions" that are habitual and are in need of changing... releasing myself from them, knowing that I can grow from here into a different way of being.. not reacting, but responding in a more spiritual way.
So, in my perspective of all of it, I can see what I don't like being mirrored back to me. Not appreciating behaviours I see "out there" and knowing that it is something I do not like in myself.. I have been there, I have done that very same thing.. I have been that inconsiderate, irresponsible and I do not like that I've been there and try hard not to do it again. It's showing up in "the mirror" - in others and I get it.
How I respond to this is what I need to deal with. Speak my truth, how I feel... instead of holding it in, the mother influence. Silence.
Silence doesn't upset the "apple cart"... doesn't keep the peace. What it DOES do is make one sick. This silence that sits inside, festering, hurting speaks to us in our body.
Sore throats, laryngitis.. the body speaks.
We need to listen.
I need to break free from those chains, those old outworn behaviours.
Release it and let it go.. spin it out, send it out into the atmosphere - high into the sky.. shooting it into the sky like Saggitarius' arrows... gone.
New moon, I welcome you.

Being Open and Giving Thanks

I have grown so much this past year. It was a very challenging year and I'm in the belief that those are the times when we do grow.. if we stay open, we learn more.
And that has been one of my lessons, to stay open. Open to possibilities. Once resistance sets in, things become hard, irritating and the inner 2 year old tantrum wants to come out. So, instead, I have learned there is always light in something dark.
We live in a world of duality, the balance of life which brings us light and dark. One cannot be without the other, so therefore, I look for the blessings in the challenges..
I know you're somewhere...
Sometimes it takes a while to show up.. or in reality, it takes a while for me to find it.
Each new day, I pray to stay open and received it's blessings.
Finding new friendships, receiving help with out me having to ask (which I hate to do).
Knowing people are thinking of me when I've been so quiet.. Thanks Laura :-)


I am fully aware of all that I have to give thanks for. This new home we absolutely LOVE! Surrounded by so much beauty.. sunsets, moon rises.. autumn leaves and ART. My husbands art, my art, children's art.
I see where I was, which felt like the bottom of the wheel in April and May and it gently turned .. John's health improving, growing stronger, happier. Today he is in the hospital recovering from surgery.. I'm grateful he had gained his strength for this day. Grateful surgery went well and this one issue will be resolved for him. It is a good day. It is a day to give thanks for all of it, but also not to stop giving thanks.
It is a constant prayer. Thank you. Thank you.
I am here, in this game of life, and I am happily playing. One thing I know is that we all win. We all get a chance to play however we choose.
I choose to play the blessing piece, the piece that carries love openly, shares it, and is open to new blessings.
May you have an endless number of blessing...
Namaste'